When adult children still choose the abuser over the loving alienated parent.

There’s nothing quite as powerful as your bond with your parent, even if their ‘parenting’ is rife with lies, greed, neglect and abuse.

Perhaps it was hubris, perhaps it was naivete, but when a loving parent was finally able to tell their (now) adult children the truth after years of Parental Alienation and all their complaints, they expected them to react much differently than they did.

In their position, I would’ve been hungry for the truth. Horrified at the blatant lies of the abusive parent and relieved to embrace the proof the loving parent provided. It would’ve formed a cohesive Big Picture for me.

That’s not how their step-children behaved at all.

They listened politely and said ‘uh-huh’ in a convincing manner. They gathered as much data about the loving parent’s personal lives and finances as they could eke out. They won their trust by telling horrific stories of the abusive parent’s neglect and abuse. Stories that left the loving parent weeping too hard to even speak.

As far as they could tell, at long last they were all on the same page. Truth and love had triumphed over lies and abuse. There was justice in the world after all. the loving parent was vindicated and the adult children seemed happy to have a loving relationship with their parent again. The loving parent enjoyed hearing about their lives and sharing wisdom.

Maybe that was their mistake. As we all do, their children recreated the horror of their childhoods in their choice of partners and lifestyle. the loving parent’s advice for their safety and happiness seemed to fall on deaf ears. Again they said ‘uh-huh’ and did exactly the opposite.

Apparently, it irritated them more than they intimated as, en masse they returned to their lying, abusive parent and betrayed all the loving parent’s confidences. I guess their loyalty was always with the one who exploited them and caused them so much pain. Once again, the loving parent is being called a liar. To say that they feel betrayed and hoodwinked is the understatement of the millennia. Again, they wept.

There was no inkling that they were anything other than delighted, even desperate, to forge a loving adult friendship with their parent after years of Parental Alienation.

Then it was all over. There was no hint, no warning. One day the loving parent was dispensing parental advice and the next, they wanted nothing to do with them. It was as though they had somehow gotten stuck in an infinite time loop, reliving the horror of Parental Alienation again.

Personally, I believe the abusive parent bribed them. They love money more than life itself.

This time the Parental Alienation is different as the children have chosen it of their own free wills as adults. Although saddened, the loving parent’s heart is surprisingly light and, more importantly, their consciences are clear.

They did the right thing and, as the saying goes, ‘water will find its own level’. I guess the adult children enjoy embracing lies. If that’s their level…!

It may sound harsh but the loving parent has decided they will not be giving their children another opportunity to be a part of their life. ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me’. They have not changed. Their abusive parent raised them to spy on the loving one, behaving lovingly to their face but despicably behind their back. Adulthood changed nothing. All grown children have chosen to remain the same in adulthood as they were as teenagers.

The loving parent did their best. They were honest, loving and supportive. If their children don’t want a parent like that at their weddings and cuddling their grandchildren, then it’s their funeral. the loving parent will no longer try to connect with them nor accept their advances. It’s over.

If you are alienated from your children, I hope you too will be reconciled one day. I hope it goes better for you than it went for this parent. But forewarned is forearmed: your Happily Ever After may turn to ashes to.

It’s not your fault.

Psych Central