When Former Spouses Manipulate Their Children

It is a common situation when a couple divorce and the split is far from amicable that a former spouse informs others the whole marriage was a terrible experience, the other partner had ‘mental health issues’ and continue to spread malicious lies. Their agenda is to turn their family and mutual friends against the partner and come out of it as the ‘good guy’. Some will even go as far as to seek out and collude with former partners ‘fake friends’ and enemies of their ex, to give extra credence to their lies and make them more believable.

There are warning signs however when meeting a prospective partner that are not to be ignored. If for example you meet someone who describes all his ex- female partners as ‘mentally ill’ or ‘mad’, there is a high possibility that one day if your relationship ends, he will describe you in exactly the same way. He will also attempt to convince any children from the relationship to view you in this way too, and if the child wishes to keep in with their father (particularly if they have a similar personality and the father is provides financial benefits) they will please him by treating you in the same way.

The following article explains how this can happen:

Understanding Why An Ex Is Spreading Misinformation About You

Former partners can also brainwash their children and introduce ‘false memories’. For example,  a child who was well cared for, loved and nurtured by their mother could be influenced by a bitter father, who will brainwash the son into thinking he had an awful childhood and even when the child becomes an adult, they will in turn spread these false memories to their friends and family that will back up their father’s false claims. If the mother visits the adult child (for example to support them in a creative project ) and the friends they have fed the lies to are also there, they could be cruel to the mother in order to drive her away, as her kindness will cause doubt on the lies they are spreading. The adult child will cut off all contact with the mother and cite the reason for her absence is because she is ‘bad’ which is far from the truth.

The adult child could continue lying throughout their life as they were taught it is right to do so by the parent.

The following article explains this further:

Divorced Parents Who Pit Their Children Against Former Partners Guilty of Abuse

The Impact of Divorce

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The latest divorce statistics for the UK

Divorce is on the decrease according to statistics released by the Office For National Statistics for 2011.
In 2011 the number of divorces in England and Wales decreased by 1.7% to 117,558 compared with 119,589 in 2010. This continues the ongoing decline in divorces since 2003 when there were 153,065 divorces recorded by both the Office For National Statistics and the Ministry of Justice Fam man system.
The decline in the number of filed divorces is consistent with a fall in the number of people getting married to 2009.
The fall in marriages to 2009 is more than likely due to the increasing number of couples choosing to cohabit rather than get married.

The number of divorces continued to rise between 1931 and 1990 as a result of changes in behaviour and attitudes in society in general. However since the start of the “great recession” in 2008 the number of divorces recorded has declined dramatically.

Read more here:

Divorce Online

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The effects of divorce reach far beyond money. There are many health consequences related to divorce that can affect a fragmented family both mentally and physically. Studies published in the “American Journal of Sociology” and the “Journal of Marriage and the Family” suggest that divorced men in most developed countries have twice the premature mortality rate of married men, and divorced women are also more likely to die at an early age than married women. Additionally, the years following a divorce present a greater risk of depression and other mental health disorders.

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The effects of divorce on children depend on the age of the child at the time of the divorce. According to the University of New Hampshire, infants and toddlers seem to experience the fewest effects from a parent’s divorce, though many may experience appetite suppression or moodiness. Children older than 3, however, have greater difficulty adjusting to the separation and might believe that they are somehow responsible for their parents’ divorce. Both elementary-aged children and adolescents might act out with anger or suffer from mental anguish or depression. Some might experience divided loyalty between their divorced parents.

Read More Here:

Alison Westbrook

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When Children are Used as Pawns in Divorce

It is understandable that by the time two people are ready for divorce there are many angry, resentful and bitter feelings accumulated during the course of the marital relationship. Very few divorces are friendly and amicable with the former spouses becoming friends. Of course this does happen but it is more the exception than the rule. Having children to consider and care for does not seem to mediate the types of behavior displayed by many former spouses. In fact, all too often, the most resentful and angry of the two divorcing parents are all too willing to display a vindictiveness directed against the other parent by using the children as weapons in the divorce and post divorce war. These types of vengeful parents do not seem to understand that the only victims of this type of behavior are the children.

Read more here:

Mental Help.net

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Rebecca is a middle-aged woman who is recently divorced. She and her husband were married for 25 years when he told her he wanted a divorce because he is in love with someone else. For the past few years, Rebecca was unhappy in her marriage, but she never thought that they would divorce. She became accustomed to her life and it’s routine. Rebecca had no idea that her husband was cheating on her and so his revelation came as a total surprise.
She is now living alone and wondering what will become of her life. Her family and friends are there for her, with her married children living close by. Rebecca continues to work part-time at the same job she’s held for seven years. Financially, she is okay, but not as monetarily “comfortable” as when she was married.

Read more here:

Psychology Today